I remember when I had my first daughter. A few days home from the hospital amidst the aftermath of a complicated birth, I turned to my husband in an emotional blather with this horrifying realization, “I’m never going to be able to sit and read the paper again!” See, I like doing that, and it’s part of my morning routine, but when you have a new baby in the house, there’s nothing normal, no routine, and every little thing is 100 times more dramatic than it needs to be. I thought of that time this morning as I glanced at the counter and saw two days of newspapers piling up amidst the chaos of caring for and adjusting to our new rescue dog, Fiona the coonhound. Now I know I’ll get to read the paper again, because that new baby, well she’s now 23 and brought in said coonhound, so I know it gets better, but sometimes when you’re in the crush of something new or chaotic or transitional, it’s not so easy to see when you’ll be able to enjoy your coffee and newspaper the way you used to.

Right now, I feel like there are so many aspects of our lives that are different, changing and slightly chaotic. With COVID-19, it feels like everyone’s frustration level is in high gear, and everything we try to do comes with a flurry of activity, decisions and compromises that are not at all comfortable, routine or welcomed. And it’s really difficult not to panic about the future. So what do we do? For me, it’s about reminding myself again and again that time passes and temporary is temporary. This simple slogan came in handy the other night after I stirred up a hornet’s nest while watering my plants. With ice on my foot after a couple of angry stings, I thought, “Time will pass. This is temporary.”

Don’t get me wrong, the stings still hurt, but I think the ointment is identifying how to build the strength to get to the sting-free newspaper reading time. We can identify what we need by taking a moment to pause, reflect and consider. As we prepare to release our new book, The Power Of A Pause, I’m struck by how many times this simple concept can save us from pain and suffering that clings to us with an intensity of a kicked up hornet’s nest. Understanding how to calm and comfort ourselves makes a huge difference. 2020 has been a difficult year in many ways, and I have to keep reminding myself that nothing is permanent, not ever. Temporary is temporary and maybe, I’ll get to read that newspaper tomorrow.

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Throughout my studies in Positive Psychology, I have been introduced to a number of different therapeutic techniques. I have found them all to be extremely helpful both personally and professionally, but my new favorite is Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT). As you can see from the name, one of the main principles of ACT is acceptance. I've found this concept of acceptance to be truly transformational.  

Acceptance does not mean passive resignation. Resignation means giving up because you've decided that there's nothing you can do about your situation, whereas acceptance simply means that you accept that your situation happened. It doesn't mean that you like what's happening or that you don't wish it were different, but once you give up the resistance and denial, you can take the energy you were spending on struggling and use it to decide how to respond or what to do next. In this way, acceptance can be liberating.

When I find myself getting worked up over something, which is happening more often than usual during these challenging times, I will typically ask myself "is that within my control or outside of my control?" If it is within my control, then I know that it's up to me to take action to fix it; yet if it's outside of my control, I know that I need to find a way to accept it, as fighting against it will only harm me (both physically and emotionally!)

Whether it’s a situation you cannot control, a personality trait that is hard to change, or an emotion that is overwhelming, accepting it can allow you to move forward. Obsessing, worrying, and ruminating over and over keeps you stuck. Acceptance involves creating space for unpleasant feelings, urges, and sensations, rather than suppressing them or avoiding them. Acceptance means opening up to our emotions and letting them come and go without struggling with them or running from them. When we learn how to let our thoughts come and go easily, they become less bothersome.

ACT techniques invite you to accept reality and work with what you have. Some acceptance strategies include:

• Acknowledging the difficulty in your life without escaping from it or avoiding it.
• Letting feelings or thoughts happen without the impulse to act on them.
• Recognizing that many things in life (such as other people's actions) are outside of your control.
• Realizing that you are in control of how you think, feel, and act.

I hope you find these techniques helpful during this challenging time.