Every time I finish reading a good book, the moment the last word sinks in, I start to feel a little lost, a little let down. Inside my head I’ll lament, “Well, what the heck am I supposed to do now? Start a whole new book I know nothing about?” Small problem, for sure. But it’s gotten so ridiculous that I’ve started planning for the predictable slump. I’m now experimenting with reading two books at the same time, so that the loss of one won’t matter so much because I still have the other. Gets confusing. I love books, and I love reading, but it’s interesting to me in this self-reflection moment, that I can easily turn something I love into a problem. And don’t even get me started on my internal dialogue about the things I don’t love. Okay, I’ll get myself started!

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Take when I have to change the toilet paper roll when I’m out in a public restroom. This happened to me three times in the last month! I have to do this at home because no one in my house seems capable of this task, even though I’ve explained how to do it to all of them, more than once! Of course, inside my head this public toilet paper changeover has become a monument to, “the world is out to get me,” and that’s why toilet paper rolls keep running out on my watch.

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Now, I’ve spilled the tea on my problem thinking, but I bet you have a few examples of your own. I bring this up as I am realizing this is an important moment of awareness that can give me (and you!) a simple trick to improve our outlook, our thinking and our inner calm.

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We are working on a podcast for December on this idea of what’s called counterfactual thinking, which is kind of a fancy word for perspective, or the simple idea of how we look at things. With counterfactual thinking, we think of how things COULD have turned out. With the toilet paper for example, I could think, “I wish someone before me took care of this.” Or I could think, “I’m so happy there was another roll here for me to use.” Can you feel the difference between those two different attitudes? Now, I’ve been talking about really insignificant things here, but even my thinking there is so important when it comes to my stress levels and my outlook. Imagine how my thinking surrounding major events can change how I feel, how I act, and even the outcome of the experience.

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The research says we can control so much of how our mindset influences everything in our lives. It just takes some awareness around how we think all the time, about the big things and the little things. This Halloween season, allow us to give you this small trick to give your mindset a major treat!

I love when social science coins terms that define thought patterns as well as behaviors; terms such as the negativity bias, the upward spiral and reframing. While doing research for an upcoming podcast we were introduced to a new term coined by social science, “counterfactual thinking.” 

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Social science defines counterfactual thinking as “the tendency to imagine how events could have turned out differently, or to speculate about alternatives to our current reality to help us place that event in context.” Essentially it's a psychological concept that involves thinking about "what if" and "if only..." scenarios. Although we would typically advise against this type of thinking as it is primarily focused on the past (and we know that it’s best to be present moment focused); plus it involves comparison (which we know is the thief of joy!), there can be benefits if it’s used properly.  
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Studies show that sometimes counterfactual thinking makes us feel good about where we are compared with where we could be; yet sometimes it makes us feel worse. It all depends on the direction in which it is used. Counterfactual thinking can be used in both an upward and downward way. 

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Upward counterfactual thinking involves thinking about how an event could have gone better; while downward counterfactual thinking involves thinking about how an event could have been worse. Upward counterfactual thinking often entails us wishing that we could go back and change things that have already happened or make different decisions than the ones we made. This includes things such as dwelling on missed opportunities, fixating on poor choices or marinating in disappointment or regret. The problem with upward counterfactual thinking is that no matter how good you feel, you can always find someone who seems to be doing better. There will always be someone who seems smarter, or wealthier, or (seemingly) happier. Studies show that upward counterfactual thinking is associated with present and future depression. 

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However, downward counterfactual thinking can have some benefits in that it helps us feel gratitude for how things unfolded in our favor. Downward counterfactual thinking focuses on how something in the past could have been much worse. This includes things such as a minor car accident that could have been worse, or averting a potential crisis, such as a hurricane that takes a turn and avoids hitting land. I tend to default to downward counterfactual thinking in my life when I feel as though I’ve let myself or others down in some way. When I find myself stuck in the loop of should have, could have, would have, I try to turn it around and look for the blessing in the fact that it could have been worse. 

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Overall we would recommend that you don’t use comparisons in your life, but if you are going to compare, try using downward counterfactual thinking. Instead of comparing yourself to others who you believe are more successful than you are, compare yourself with all the people who haven’t even tried, and this way any success you experience will feel like a victory. Or better yet, compare yourself with who you were last year, or even last month, and you’ll feel proud of how far you’ve come.