If you were in the hospital and someone asked what they could bring you to make you feel more comfortable, what would you request? For me, it was almond butter. Last month, I spent a few days in the hospital after a hypertensive emergency. Since I came in through the ER, I didn’t have anything but the clothes on my back, my key fob, a couple of credit cards and a few old pieces of gum. Not much help. Once I got admitted, the kids brought me my glasses, a toothbrush and some underwear-that’s emergency equipment right there. But when Kim asked me the next day what she could drop off for me (no visitors, of course), I latched right on to something that would bring me comfort, make me feel like home. I also asked her for some deodorant and a good book but the almond butter was the top of my list. Eating it right out of the jar with my eyes closed made me forget the IV, the machines, the scary thoughts and questions. She also brought me a soft blanket and a pillow to put behind my lower back. Kim, intuitively put extra things in her parcel that I didn’t ask for because she wanted me to be comfortable. This simple gesture still makes me cry. It has me thinking about comfort. I’ve worked many years on the delusion that I can handle everything myself. You could say I’m independent to a fault. I think it drives Kim crazy. But even I started to crack alone in that hospital bed with my ass hanging out.

For the last year, we’ve all been uncomfortable in so many ways. It’s been a test of how much discomfort we can endure. I guess I’ve been in training because when the doctor finally said, “We’re going to try to get you out of here today,” I focused on the word “try.” I didn’t get my hopes up. I decided to just lean in to what was happening and let time pass. But it was like walking a tight rope, every now and again I would be flooded with panic. In those times, I’d pick up the almond butter again and close my eyes. And breathe. Comfort. It’s so essential.

When they told me I could leave for real, I wrapped my roommate in the blanket Kim brought. She needed comfort more than I did and it felt so good to pass it along. Now home, I’m searching for where the comfort continues. I’m trying to understand my capacity to be uncomfortable when I need to be. I’m wondering how and why we comfort ourselves and how and why we sometimes don’t.

This pandemic has taken so much but I think comfort must be in the top five. I guess it’s true that you really don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. So now, I’m embracing comfort for myself and from those I love. Even though I know it’s okay to say we need it and to ask for it from the people who love us, it’s not always the first thing I think of. But I will now. I will because almond butter is great but it only goes so far. I will because I never really thought about how important comfort is, but it’s an incredible gift and something to be treasured. I will because I don’t think this is the last time I’ll need it.

When we hear a baby cry we instinctively know that they are experiencing some type of discomfort, so we jump right into Mommy Mode and start the process of elimination; are they hungry, do they need a diaper change, are they experiencing physical pain or emotional distress? And once we hit upon the issue, we address it immediately in order to alleviate their discomfort. Yet when we are in discomfort, we often push through it or ignore it completely. This may be due to childhood experiences when we were told to "suck it up" or "dust ourselves off and get back in the game." Although perseverance is a character strength, when over practiced, it can lead us to become depleted and neglect our own self-care.

A big part of self-care is learning how to comfort ourselves when we are experiencing physical or emotional discomfort. And just as we do instinctively with a baby, we need to address our discomfort by identifying what we need in the moment to comfort ourselves. This can be as simple as asking yourself "what do I need right now? Do I need physical comfort or emotional comfort, or both?" Some possible answers may be:

• Physical comforting ~ a hug, a bubble bath, a foot massage, some comfort food, a walk in nature, yoga, a warm blanket and a good book, or just the physical presence of a trusted friend.
• Emotional comforting ~ support and validation from a loved one or healing professional, soothing music, meditation and/or prayer, or just some alone time for rest and rejuvenation.

In addition to comforting ourselves, we also need to be open to asking for and accepting comfort from others. It takes courage to ask for comfort when we need it, but the truth is that we ALL need comforting at times in our lives. And when we allow others to comfort us, we are acting as role models and teaching them that it's not only okay, but truly imperative that we seek and receive comfort in uncomfortable times.