How resilient are you?
By Nancy Werteen and Kim Howie
The Power of Joy
Nature is our teacher
For 27 years, I’ve walked the same path most mornings. I like to walk, and we always have a dog or two, that we’ve found or have adopted, that is high energy and needs movement or the house is trashed. I go to the end of my street, make a right and end up on a road that leads to a park. The road is quiet and tree-lined, and over the years I’ve seen fawns, hawks, cats, even wild turkeys. The other morning a striking red fox emerged from the woods not far from us. She took a few steps and then stopped to take us in. I braced for the dogs to lose their minds, but they were too busy sniffing and eating grass to put any energy into this strange looking animal smaller than they are. So the fox and I locked eyes. I wanted to grab my phone and take a picture of her, but I also didn’t want to look away. She had those telltale black legs, the white neck, the stunning burnt orange color. After a few moments, it almost seemed like she gave me a nod, and then she carried on across the street back into the woods again.
On our way back home, she came out of the woods again. Just gazing at me and me at her. Again, she paused and then trotted away. Now, here’s where it gets interesting. When we got home, I got on the computer to look at pictures of foxes because she seemed to look so unique to me. I’ve seen a red fox in our backyard once or twice over the years, but this one’s coat seemed so multi-colored and unusual. When I googled, “red fox in PA” , this immediately popped up: Symbolically, the fox tells you that even though you can't always control the outcome of a situation, you're never powerless to make your own luck.
My breath caught. My family has been going through a very difficult time for about a month now, a crisis that has made me feeling absolutely powerless. I started to think about the research we’ve done into resilience. I started to realize I am never, ever, powerless. I thought about positive psychology and how I can focus on what’s strong instead of what’s wrong. We are also researching for a podcast that will air in August about how to build your resilience muscle. Okay, so now I can put the pieces of the puzzle together and remember the tools that we’ve learned.
I am remembering I have to stay present. I can’t fall down the quick sand of, “what if’s” constantly, and especially not at 2:00am. I can’t keep going back and thinking, “Why didn’t I do this or that?” I have to be nonjudgmental, both of myself and of others in my family, and in my circle. I have to take care of myself so I can be more powerful. I have to remember that I have had difficulties before, and have come out the other side.
When I walked the next day, it struck me that this same path has been a witness. I’ve walked it pregnant. I’ve walked it in despair, in pain, with heartache and I’ve walked it with joy, a full heart and positivity. These trees around me have slowed down and stopped growing and stood strong in the face of snow, wind, and rain, only to flourish and bloom again every spring. Nature is always there to teach us that the hardship of winter holds hands with the promise of spring. I’m so thankful for this reminder and for a beautiful red fox that helped me shift my perspective.
The Power of Why
Building your resilience muscle
Life is messy. Throughout the course of our lives, we will all experience twists and turns; and we will undoubtedly face difficulties, adversity, and varying degrees of stresses. Whether it be from everyday challenges to traumatic events which have more lasting impact; such as the death of a loved one, a life-altering accident, or a serious illness, it’s important to recognize that each and every change affects people differently, bringing a unique flood of thoughts, strong emotions, and uncertainty.
So why does it seem as though some people are better at rolling with the punches than others? Psychology points the finger to resilience. Psychologists define resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.
In essence, resilience provides a roadmap for adapting to life-changing situations, and emerging even stronger than before. And the good news is that resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that anyone can learn and develop. Studies show that the resources and skills associated with resilience can be cultivated and practiced.
However, being resilient doesn’t mean that you won’t experience difficulty or distress. In fact, the most resilient people are typically those who have experienced considerable emotional distress over the course of their lives.
Increasing your resilience is like building a muscle; it takes time and intentionality. Experts say that by focusing on four core components (connection, wellness, healthy thinking, and meaning), we can empower ourselves to withstand and learn from difficult and traumatic experiences.
Let’s break these components down into actionable steps.
- Connection ~ building connections involves prioritizing your relationships. Connecting with caring people can remind you that you’re not alone in the midst of difficulties. Focus on finding trustworthy and compassionate people who validate your feelings.
- Wellness ~ fostering wellness involves taking care of your body. Self-care is a key practice for improving mental health and building resilience. Positive lifestyle factors such as proper nutrition, ample sleep and regular exercise work together to strengthen your body and help it to adapt to stress while reducing the your risk for anxiety or depression.
- Healthy Thinking ~ how we think plays a significant role in how we feel, and also how resilient we are when we face challenges in life. Experts say “try to identify areas of irrational thinking, such as a tendency to catastrophize difficulties or assume the world is out to get you, and adopt a more balanced and realistic thinking pattern.”
- Meaning ~ finding meaning in challenging situations can help us to be more resilient. Oftentimes this is easier once you are on the other side of the difficulty; but if we can identify a lesson learned or a strength that was uncovered while managing a traumatic experience, this will help to build our resilience muscle.
Experts say that resilience is not just about “bouncing back” from these difficult experiences, it can also involve profound personal growth.