Giving and Receiving
By Nancy Werteen and Kim Howie
The Power of Joy
You Need to Let Me Help You
Looking back at the text string, I literally had to ask her 28 times before she let me help her. I tried asking in 16 different ways, coming up with lame excuses about being “right by her house anyway”, but it wasn’t until I sternly said, “YOU NEED TO LET ME HELP YOU”, that she finally did. Listen, I get it. It’s hard to accept help from other people and even more difficult sometimes to believe that people really want to help you!
Perhaps you already heard about Kim’s mishap. She fell down a set of cement stairs and broke her arm in two places along with a slew of other minor injuries that added up to major pain. Now, of course, she broke her right arm, her dominant arm, you know the one you use for just about everything like brushing your teeth, styling your hair and making dinner.
So she falls, and somehow talks me out of racing to the Urgent Care to be with her-I’m still mad at her about that-and then she insists she doesn’t need my help. I have two working arms, I remind her, and legs that don’t hurt with every step. How much trouble is it for me to drop some groceries off or make a meal? Not too much! And the funny thing is we’ve talked about this before. In our book, The Power Of A Pivot, I wrote about some years ago when I fractured a vertebra in my back and struggled to accept the help I so desperately needed to do even the smallest things like putting my socks on.
As women, we want to take care of everyone else and flipping the world upside down like that doesn’t always happen without a fight. But I think scooping up the ones we love and carrying them isn’t just for them. It’s an opportunity for us to pour our hearts out as a testament to our love, a chance to make a new connection or enhance an already great one. It’s actually an honor if you are the one who can make someone’s burden a little lighter if only for a short time. Kim knows this of course, so I’ll let her weigh in, but I may have to fight with her to let me type her part for her!
The Power of Why
One More Life Lesson Completed
Isn't it funny how life has a way of providing us with the exact lesson we need to learn at precisely the right time? Well I guess it doesn't feel funny when it's happening to you (or should I say FOR you :-), but hindsight is 20/20!
As a Health Coach, I spend a lot of time talking to people about the importance of self-care, explaining that you need to take time out to refuel and recharge or you will become depleted both physically and emotionally. I also stress the fact that asking for and accepting help is vital when it comes to self-care, and that accepting help from others is truly a gift to the giver.
The truth is that I never really understood why people resisted being helped. Which, of course, tees up the need for a life lesson FOR me!
So I find myself violating the primary principles of self-care as I pile way too much on my plate and literally and figuratively watch as it all falls down!
After my fall, Nancy (and many other caring friends) reached out to offer a helping hand. This gave me the opportunity to see what it feels like to be on the receiving end of help. As someone who loves to help others, and who talks about the importance of letting others help you when you need help, apparently I'm not very good at living my own lessons! What I found is that it's easier said than done! I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. (Now I do have to say that I did let my mother take care of me for a few days, as there's nothing more natural than accepting love from your mom! Thanks Mom!) But my point is that it took some time for me to come around to the fact that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.
As Brene Brown says in her book The Gifts of Imperfection "Until we can receive with an open heart, we're never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
So thank you, life for teaching me yet another wonderful lesson, and thank you, Nancy for always giving with an open heart! And thank you to all of you who have reached out with your kind words of support, offers of help, and wishes for a speedy recovery! I'm receiving it all with an open heart, which, as a result will enable me to give even more generously in the future!
One More Life Lesson Completed! :-)