I have no idea why our new rescue dog Maya is so ballistic in the car but for some reason, she’s a nut case. She is all keyed up and shaking and so desperate to sit on my lap that we end up in a wrestling match with me covered in drool by the end of the trip. Problem is I have a 9th grader still at home which means I’m running her from here to there and there to here and if I leave Maya home, it’s the crate or she eats the house. So I bring Maya to pick my daughter up at the high school the other night packing some gross item called a “gullet stick” that smells like a dead fish.  “Give her something to chew on,” the trainer said. Okay, we get in the car and I hand Maya this thing that she starts to gnaw on. Course she had it eaten before I even got to the end of my street and now I have a panting dog with fish breath-not so helpful.

By the time we got to the high school and on the car line, I let Maya on my lap which meant a lot of wiggling and suddenly she had the windows going down, her leg caught in my cross body bag and she is leaning on the horn. Well the parent in front of me jumped out of her car and gave me a palms-up, WTF kind of gesture. I don’t think it helped that I was laughing my head off. She was so angry! Thankfully, she got back in her car shaking her head and cursing once I got the horn to stop. Got me thinking about the assumptions we make about other people. Why do we do that?

I have a long history of humiliating car line moments. I remember once when my daughter was very young and we were at a new school and I didn’t do the car line the right way-who knew there was a right way? As I sat in the wrong spot, this other parent came out to school me with furrowed brows and terse lips. Just as he approached, I took a long swig of my water bottle and when he banged on my windshield, I got so startled I sucked the water down the wrong pipe and proceeded to cough it all over the inside of my windshield. That silenced him I’ll tell you! Now I’m usually pretty put together on car lines, but these slip-ups, can you forgive me? Haven’t we all had “those days?”

I know it’s not easy but I think the benefit of the doubt is a beautiful gift to others this holiday. That-and maybe a thunder vest for a nervous little dog!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year," and as the song says, "everyone's telling you be of good cheer!" But for some, the holidays can be a difficult time of the year. A time filled with stress and anxiety or sadness and sorrow. We've spent several months talking about emotions and the importance of feeling our feelings, and this seems like the perfect time to talk about how to respond to and help others who are experiencing difficult feelings.

In several of her books, including her newest book, Dare to Lead, Dr. Brene Brown talks about the importance of empathy and its role in creating and sustaining human connection. Through her decades of research, she has determined that empathy "is highly coordinated with everything from leadership skills to family functioning, good parenting, and healthy relationships of all kinds." She calls empathy the essential emotion, and defines it as "feeling with people (rather than for people), and letting them know they’re not alone." It requires us to dig deep and be vulnerable with our own feelings in order to connect to our shared humanity. Dr. Brown says empathy is a skill set that requires practice.

Here are the five empathy skills provided by Dr. Brown:

1. Perspective taking ~ see the world as others see it.
2. Be nonjudgemental ~ recognize ourselves in others. The world is our mirror.
3. Understand another person's feelings ~ connect to that feeling inside yourself.
4. Communicate your understanding of that person's feelings ~ requires emotional literacy.
5. Mindfulness ~ paying attention. "We cannot ignore pain and feel compassion for it at the same time."

According to Dr. Brown, empathy says "I may not have had the exact same experience as you, but I know the struggle and you’re not alone."

So if someone is rude to you in a store, on the highway (or on the car line) this holiday season, give them what Dr. Brown calls "a generous assumption" (realize that we all experience difficult times, and you have no idea what they may be dealing with), followed by the gift of empathy.

Wishing you all a joy-filled, heart-centered holiday season!