My brother has been gone now for 14 months. Sometimes people will say, “He was too young. He didn’t have enough time.” He was 60 years-old. 60 summers and 60 winters. 60 Christmases, 60 times to watch the leaves turn colors in the fall. 60 times to say, “Happy New Year!” Is that “enough?” When someone passes at 96 do we say, “Okay that was enough.” I think we can all agree, it’s never enough. So what do we do with that information, with that longing?

Kim and I are working on a podcast for the first week in November in which we explore the idea of asking the people we love, “How can I love you more?” How can I make the most of our changing, evolving, sometimes difficult relationship? What is MY responsibility in that? And how on earth can I love more? Imagine if someone asked you that question. Imagine how that would inject a new excitement and sacredness to your bond with that person.

So I’m asking you to ask yourself, “How can I make more of everything?” To say that we are in a difficult time right now seems so overused and almost cliché. But just because this is hard, we have to make sure it’s enough. Did I do enough? Did I love enough? Did I savor enough? And believe me, I’m talking more to myself here than anyone else.

My poor brother didn’t get enough, but he is in a growing crowd, isn’t he? Let’s make it more than enough! Let’s go above enough with our efforts, our love, our kindness and our willingness to find the good, even in the awful.

Vietnamese Buddhist monk and Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh (or Thay as his followers call him), is known around the world for this teaching of mindfulness, global ethics and peace. His gentle wisdom for finding buoyancy and “being peace” in a world of conflict, anger, and violence is truly mind-opening. Particularly thought-provoking is his recommendation that we ask those closest to us a simple, yet powerful question that can transform our relationships: “how can I love you more?”

When I first heard that question I was blown away. What an incredible, yet humble gift to offer one another, and our own selves. It opens the door to a deeper conversation that will likely lead to a more intimate connection.

We talk a lot at The Wisdom Coalition about the importance of self-love, and how loving ourselves will enable us to love others more. While discussing this concept for our upcoming podcast recording, it occurred to me that we could ask this question “how can I love you more?” to ourselves!

We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else in our lives. We put so many demands on ourselves and then berate ourselves when we don’t measure up to our unattainable expectations. What if we asked ourselves for the love that we really need? Imagine how your life would be transformed, and how your relationships with others would flourish if you simply loved yourself more!

We encourage you to give the gift of asking this question to your loved ones and to yourself.