Sometimes I wish I could be my dog. So many times during the day as I’m running around the house doing this or that, I pass by the dog lazily draped over the back of the couch soaking up some sun. She slightly opens one eye as she sees me, and then raises her eyebrow with a look that says, “Could you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep over here.”

Dogs don’t worry about too many things. Maybe when they’re getting food or going for a walk, but for the most part, they live in the moment. Now that can be bad. With our recent Groundhog Day weekly Wednesday snow and ice storms, living in the moment didn’t serve my dog too well. I’d let her out and she bound out the door with her usual, “Woohoo, I’m outside” attitude, but then she’d hit the ice. Course I can’t tell her to be careful or to go slow and she wouldn’t listen anyway if I did. Time after time, she’d race out, her feet would slip out from under her and down she’d go. She’d give a momentary look of confusion but then it was the “Woohoo, I’m outside” look and down she’d go again.

Besides the ice problem, living in the moment is a pretty great idea. No ruminating about the past. I don’t know about you, but I come from a long line of ruminators. Living in the moment, there’s no worrying about the ten million “what-if’s” that we torture ourselves about.

And interestingly, I don’t think we need to berate ourselves so much either when we are in the moment. During the dog’s Ice Capades, she never once gave me a look that said, “I’m such a knucklehead. What a jerk I am for slipping on the ice.” No negative self-talk in canine land. Clearly I can’t be my dog but I sure can learn a thing or two from her. She loves with abandon. She plays with a full throttle and she never turns on herself. No wonder she sleeps so well. Watching her is a good reminder about making the most of every moment and taking the season of renewal as an opportunity to change some things.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why is that voice inside of us often our worst enemy? Scientists say it’s human nature. We have a built in negativity bias that’s purpose is to protect us from danger by ensuring that we pay attention to any potential threats in life. Although it seems like we are our own worst threat sometimes as we bully ourselves inside our own heads!

I have to say that the first time I heard the term "negative self talk" and learned about our negativity bias, I was actually relieved. It gave me a sense of peace knowing that I was not alone (or crazy!) I used to think that I was the only one who struggled with what I like to call "stinking thinking".

So, if you too have this habit of "stinking thinking", the good news is that you are not crazy and you are not alone. And the even better news is that you can take control of that voice and literally train your brain to create new neural pathways that lead to more positive self talk.

So how do we do that? As is true with most plans for transformation, the first step is awareness. This means taking time to be mindful of your thoughts and recognizing that you are stepping onto the negativity train. Once you realize your thoughts are turning against you, take a moment to ask yourself "is that really true?" For instance, if you burn diner and immediately think "I am a terrible cook," ask yourself if that's really true and begin looking for evidence to the contrary.

The truth is that we can always find evidence to support what we choose to believe. Make the conscious effort to look for evidence to prove that it's NOT true! If you find this to be difficult, solicit the help of a good friend. Or imagine that your friend said those things to you about themselves, and think about how you would respond to them.

The bottom line is that we should treat ourselves as though we are a loving friend; because the truth is, we ARE!