I hate survival of the fittest. I’ve always hated it. I remember being a little kid in science class and listening to the teacher explain what it was. She told us only the strong survive. “That’s not fair!” I thought. No, 12-year-old self, it sure isn’t. We’ve all seen it play out in our backyard bird’s nests, our classrooms, our workplaces. Right now, as we try to climb out of the wreckage of COVID-19, I fear this basic theory will play out again in our health, our finances, our employment, and our relationships.

We have had to dig to find survival strength in more ways than I can count. For me, I’m having trouble with patience right now. I remember some years ago, we took a family trip and during a big storm, our plane was diverted to a different airport. It turned into a five-hour odyssey of being stuck on the runway with a full plane of cranky people, no food or water and backed up bathrooms. My then 8-year-old daughter had been so good through the whole thing but by the end of hour four, she casually packed up her little carry-on, her stuffed animals and her sweater. She stood up and said, “I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore,” and she headed down the aisle of the plane. Yeah, that’s me now. I am so done. Course, the circumstances aren’t done with me. So I'm digging. I’m digging to understand the depth and volatility of what I'm feeling because if I don’t, I’m going to be buried, I just know it. But I also know that I can’t just act on my feelings without thinking, like my daughter did.

I have to be the one in charge of the cyclone inside. How? By trying to understand, process and be calm. By trying to tolerate this discomfort, this uncertainty, this sadness. This survival plan is going to take intention and focus and tolerance so that we are fit to go forward in a world that’s scary as hell. But I think the first step starts with looking inward and finding the tools. We came up with a process that has been so helpful to us. We hope it will be for you too.

The waves just keep coming! As I mentioned in our last newsletter, some are gentle, but others are really rough! But I keep reminding myself that underneath the waves in the ocean the waters are calm. Using this analogy of calm waters, we came up with our own process to help ourselves and others find a sense of calm amidst feeling strong emotions. It's an acronym that helps you remember the four-step process, but it also describes the desired outcome ~ CALM.

C ~ Cease. Cease all action. Stop and take a breath. This will engage your parasympathetic nervous system, enable you to move the focus from your head to your body, and bring you into the present moment.
A ~ Awareness. Build awareness around your current emotion(s). Recognize that you have been triggered and are feeling overwhelmed by your emotion(s).
L ~ Label. Label your emotion(s). Experts say we need to "name it to tame it." Be specific and dig deep to find the root emotion. Studies show that on average we can recognize three emotions in ourselves and others (happy, sad and angry), yet there are many other emotions that are often hidden underneath the surface of our anger and sadness.
M ~ Manage. How we choose to manage our emotions can be individual and personal. It may involve aspects of self-care such as exercise (going for a walk or a run), or stress reduction practices (meditation or yoga), or it may mean taking time out to rest and recover. Or possibly it involves incorporating psychological interventions such as reframing the situation or refuting your negative thoughts. This process may look different for different people, or it may be different for the same person depending on the circumstances that created the difficult emotion(s).

I recommend creating your own personal tool box with your list of emotional management tools so you can be proactive and ready when the big waves come. This will enable you to, as the saying goes, "stay calm and carry on!"