Being an adult means every time you get injured, there’s usually NOT a good story. When you’re young, you can regale friends with tales of dramatic falls or feisty games gone wrong. Being an adult means you fall off a curb and break your wrist. I did that a few years ago. Around that same time, my neighbor tore his ACL climbing off of a bleacher. Recently, as I walked around with a ridiculous bandage on my right check because of the basal cell carcinoma removal I talked about in our last newsletter, I struggled with what to tell people. The truth makes them and me uncomfortable. They’re waiting for a good story and I spew the word “carcinoma” on them.

As much as I’d like to ignore how I feel about this whole process, our research has taught me that a wound of any kind needs tending. The day after I got my 14 stitches out, Kim and I were doing a presentation for a company on how to propel your mindset and the doctor said I could leave the bandage off, but I just couldn’t do it! Each time I thought about it, I could feel vulnerability debris flying everywhere. At least with the bandage on I wouldn’t look like the bride of Frankenstein, I told myself. I could hide behind the bandage and ignore the needle on my mental record player that was sticking on, “You’re ugly,” and “Your scar looks awful.”

When we walked out of the presentation, I ripped the bandage off before I even got to the car. It was so uncomfortable. And then I started to get mad at myself. Why do I do that? Why do I allow a line of thinking that’s just destructive to take over my thoughts and actions? I felt embarrassed too for being so superficial. Of course the most important thing is that the cancerous tissue was discovered early and is now totally out of my body.

In a blather in the parking lot, I unloaded all of this on Kim who, as always, knew the right thing to say. Oddly enough, we have been researching for an upcoming podcast and hit on the term “thinking trap.” She reminded me of the details she’ll tell you in a moment and she helped me to escape the trap of my own making.

Does this scar change who I am? Will it change how other people perceive me? Does any one part of my body define me? Of course not on all counts. And since I like to tell myself stories, I might as well make up a good one for the next time someone asks how I got injured. I think it will make everyone feel better!!

Dr. Dan Tomasula writes in his new book, Learned Hopefulness, "When negative thoughts repeat in your mind, they are being generated from an underlying belief system. The repetition is a trap. This is one way to notice that your thoughts have entered into a downward spiral: the repetition is a signal that your thinking has become unbalanced" and you have entered a thinking trap.

Dr. Tomasula explains that "beliefs are repetitive habits of thought. Thinking traps are repetitive negative beliefs that influence your assessment of the future. Repeating negative beliefs will limit you. Noticing the pattern to your thought process is where the change begins. If you become aware that there's a pattern, you're more likely to be able to change it for the better."

In his book, Dr. Tomasula outlines nine common thinking traps. We will explore all nine of them with him on our podcast next month, but here are a few of them from the book:

‍All-or-nothing thinking~when only extremely good or bad options seem possible. Things are either good or bad, a success or a failure, right or wrong. For example, if you cheat once on your diet, it does not mean you have failed completely; it simply means you had a small setback, and all you need to do to correct it is get back on your diet tomorrow.

‍Overgeneralizing ~ making sweeping judgments about ourselves (or others) based on minimal experience. Taking one bad experience and turning it into something that distorts our view. Words like "always" and "never" are often used in this thinking trap. Examples include: thinking "nobody cares," "nobody loves me," "I'll never be able to manage my anxiety," or "I always make mistakes."

‍Negative brain-filtering ~ When everything is filtered through a negative lens and only the negatives are noticed. This is an ultimate form of pessimism because no matter what happens that's good, you're going to focus on what went wrong, what wasn't working, or what was a disappointment. For example: you give a terrific presentation; then you notice one person out of the group looks bored and you think "everyone hated it."

‍Overestimating or catastrophizing ~ exaggerating the likelihood something bad will happen. This occurs when we imagine the worst and/or believe we won't be able to cope with the outcome. The truth is that the worst very rarely happens, and if it does, we usually find a way to cope. Example: "No one will help me if I screw up," or "I'll make a fool of myself and will be too embarrassed."

‍Fortune-telling ~ the mantra of those who believe they can see the future and it isn't bright. Examples include: "I'll faint," "I'll go crazy," "I'll never become what I want to be," or "I can't do it." The truth is, these thoughts actually make success less possible, because they limit our effort and our belief in possibility.

Dr. Tomasula says that it's common for thinking traps to work together to hold us back. In other words, you might find that you deploy several thinking traps at the same time. For example: you use negative brain filtering to view how people responded to your presentation, and then overgeneralize by thinking "I'm not good at public speaking."

As Dr. Tomasula states, the first step in avoiding these thinking traps is building awareness around the fact that you fall into them. This way the next time you notice the trap, you can "walk around it" rather than fall into it!