Why is it that at 2:00am my ideas seem so perfectly brilliant but by 9:00am, they have me questioning my sanity? Here’s a recap of my most recent rumination. I recently took a trip to Long Island by myself and in the weeks before, my top worry was what to do when I had to pee. Listen, I’m a middle aged woman who has had two kids. I can’t go very long without going to the bathroom. I kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking, “What if I’m stuck in a huge traffic jam (not unusual for Long Island)?” Or, “What if I'm driving and driving and hours go by and I can’t find a place to stop?” If you've ever driven through Queens and Staten Island, you know what I mean!

So, my 2:00am solution, and I apologize in advance, was to bring a roasting pan in the car with me. My early morning mind thinks this is simply off the charts. Why didn’t anyone ever think of this fantastic idea? Couldn’t I just slip the roasting pan under my bottom and get the job done? I’d have to think through my outfit, of course, to make sure it’s easy on and easy off and make sure my head doesn’t hit the roof of the car while sitting on said roasting pan, but I think it would work! Now you simply can’t keep such a great idea to yourself so the first thing I did during my 9:00am moment of clear thinking was blurt my master plan out to my husband. He looked at me with one raised eyebrow and said, “Don’t you think your cheeks will just sink into the pan?” Now, that’s an obstacle for sure. He followed up with a laugh and a “why don’t you try a dry run?” comment. Men-they don’t get it. (And the dry run, by the way, worked out just fine!)

Funny how we get caught up worrying about the same thing over and over again. I mean, there are plenty of things I could worry about when thinking about a big trip, but I drove myself and my family crazy with this one. Do you know what actually happened? About half hour in to the trip, I realized I left the roasting pan on the kitchen counter. I thought about going back but didn't. Figured I could buy a roasting pan somewhere and then realized if I was in a store, well they'd surely have a bathroom. In the end, I didn't pee my pants. I actually found places to stop. We just had a retreat about self-compassion so I’d like to let myself off the hook here for being slightly ridiculous and I hope you will too!!

I may have mentioned in past newsletters that I am a recovering worrier. This is an intentional effort on my part to let go of the fear of the unknown. As a mother, I find it particularly difficult to put this intention into practice. My daughter just started driving a few months ago, and this made my "worryometer" (yes, I just made up that word!) reboot and go through the roof! I found myself counting the seconds from the time she left the house until the time she arrived safely at her destination. This was literally consuming my mind and keeping me from being present in my life.

Then one day I remembered one of my favorite sayings, "worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want!" BINGO, the lightbulb went off and I realized that I was doing what Dr. Brene Brown calls "dress rehearsing tragedy." In my mind I was imagining all of the terrible things that could happen to my daughter, yet the reality is that this act of worrying was having no effect on her experience, yet it was having a tremendous negative effect on my physical and psychological wellbeing! And, according to Dr. Brene Brown, the truth is that this act of dress rehearsing tragedy doesn't actually prepare us for or protect us from the cascade of pain that follows tragedy.

So what's the solution? The key is recognizing and focusing on what is actually within our control:
~ our mindset (choosing joy regardless of life circumstances)
~ our behavior (acting in accordance with our values)
~ our intention & attention (living mindfully in the present moment.)

We have zero control over the future, and the past is behind us, so all we have is here and now. My new mantra is worry less, live more! Feel free to borrow it!