Would you say a one-night stand is practicing mindfulness? Not saying that I’ve ever had a one-night stand, not saying I haven’t either. I’ve been married a really long time, so it’s sort of hard to remember. But for argument’s sake, let’s just put ourselves into the one-night stand scenario. Certainly, in that one night, we usually aren’t thinking about the past, and definitely aren’t thinking about the future, as the early morning walk of shame reminds us. In said one-nighter, we are living in the moment, the here and now, focusing only on what’s right in front of us. I’d say that’s practicing mindfulness, wouldn’t you?

Actually before technology, we practiced mindfulness a lot. We waited in line and just kind of stared ahead. No phones to entertain us. We waited for a ride and watched the other cars go by. No way to text, “How far away are you?” I remember mowing the lawn with no ear buds, no music, no podcasts. Mindfulness really came easy when I was growing up. These days I have to work at it. Too much information trying to grab my attention.

I bring this up because it’s been an on-going goal of mine to bring stillness into my world, as I feel like everything just moves so fast, and I know the benefits of slowing down, reflecting, and savoring. I’ve also used busy for so many years to avoid difficult feelings that I didn’t want to deal with. Somehow that swamp of emotions figures out a way to bury me anyway, so I’m trying to just allow them space so that maybe they will move in and move out.

I thought about making a New Year’s resolution about it, about being more mindful, but it seemed like a lot of pressure. I like the idea of making it an on-going part of my life, not just something I conjure up for a period of time and forget about shortly after.

In our research into positive psychology, the path to human thriving and flourishing is one that you will put your feet on many, many times. The path is really always unfolding before us, as we are required to continue to open ourselves up to our own awakening. The awakening is the process of discovering who we really are, what’s really important to us, and the development of a strategy that gives us the opportunity to create a better life.

Some days I try harder than others. Some days I don’t have the capacity to try at all. But I think all of that is success because when there is effort, there is hope. And let’s just say once upon a time I did have a one-night stand, or two. All that tells me is that I’ve had some experience practicing mindfulness. I did it naturally without even knowing it, so recreating it now can’t be that hard! Who needs a resolution to change my life? I’m doing it every day just with a little effort, and a sprinkle of creative thinking!!

According to recent survey results, the most common new year’s resolutions involve health, fitness and overall wellbeing.  Every year millions of people make new year’s resolutions, and research shows that 23% of us give them up within the first week! While 36% of us make it to the end of January, and sadly, only 9% of those who make new year’s resolutions successfully keep them all year long.

So you’re not alone if you are struggling to keep your new year’s resolution. You’re also not alone if you’re beating yourself up for giving up on your new year’s resolution! Instinctively we know berating ourselves is not helpful; yet we all do it! We compound the impact of our perceived failures by piling self loathing on top of them!

Oftentimes people think that being hard on themselves is somehow motivational, and the only way to turn things around; yet research shows that the opposite is true! Using self-compassion is what actually helps us to bounce back from disappointments or perceived failures.

Self-compassion is comprised of three key elements:

1. mindfulness ~ acknowledging your pain/suffering
2. common humanity ~ recognizing that you are not alone
3. treating yourself like a dear friend or a child that is suffering

Imagine you are talking to your child, or any child for that matter; and they were feeling down about something they were struggling to manage. Would you scold them and tell them that they were worthless and would never be successful at anything? Of course not!! Yet that’s how we talk to ourselves all the time! Instead, we would be encouraging and say things like:

• “You’re doing great; keep up the hard work!”
• “I know this is difficult, but you can do it!”
• “You’ve succeeded at this or even more challenging things in the past!”
• “Don’t give up! You’ve got this!”

This is the type of self-talk we need to make routine in our lives! Try it out next time you feel like you are falling short (whether it be with a new year’s resolution, a goal or any perceived failure/disappointment you experience) and let us know how it feels!